Jocelyn Flores
Song Meaning

“Jocelyn Flores” is XXXTENTACION’s tribute to and reckoning with the suicide of a close friend, Jocelyn Flores, who suffered from depression and took her own life while visiting him 1 2. The song walks through the moment he got the call (“Girl that you fucked with killed herself”) and the aftermath, in which he says he “hate[s] himself” and became suicidal in the wake of her death. XXXTENTACION described the loss as devastating enough that he withdrew from social media for days 1. Rather than a clean narrative, the track is a stream of pain, self-blame, and numbness that folds her death into his broader mental health struggles.

The meaning

“Jocelyn Flores” is written in direct response to a real tragedy: XXXTENTACION’s close friend Jocelyn Flores suffered from depression and died by suicide while staying with him, and he wrote this song processing that loss 1 2. The verse recreates the moment almost cinematically: “Picture this, in bed, get a phone call / Girl that you fucked with killed herself.” There’s no distance in that delivery, it reads like he’s still standing inside the moment the news arrived.

What follows isn’t a tribute in the eulogy sense, it’s a confession of how the death rewired him. He raps “That was this summer when nobody helped / And ever since then, man, I hate myself,” tying her death directly to a collapse in his own mental state. This lines up with what he said afterward: the loss was so severe that it pushed him off social media entirely because he “never thought [he] would feel something for someone [he] barely knew that would f--k me up so bad” 1. That quote also hints at survivor’s guilt bound up in identification, he says it hit him hard partly “because I came from it” 1, suggesting he recognized his own depression and suicidal ideation in hers.

The lyrics don’t stay contained to Jocelyn. The verse pivots to his uncle (“playin’ with a slip knot”) and to “post-traumatic stress” from being “locked up,” stacking one loss and trauma on top of another. Jocelyn’s death becomes the trigger that reopens everything else he’s carrying, which is consistent with the broader pattern in his music of using one grief as the entry point into a “vicious cycle of pain and anger” 2.

The chorus, “I’ll be feelin’ pain, I’ll be feelin’ pain just to hold on / And I don’t feel the same, I’m so numb,” reframes pain almost paradoxically as the thing keeping him alive, feeling it, even at its worst, is preferable to the total numbness he says has replaced his old emotional register. That numbness reads as the direct residue of the trauma described in the verse.

The Shiloh Dynasty-sung intro and outro (“I know you so well”) function as a kind of address to Jocelyn herself, an intimacy that can no longer be resolved because she’s gone, echoing the way XXXTENTACION elsewhere directly addresses her memory and his regret over not fully understanding what she was going through 2.

Last updated 2026-07-19