i hate u, i love u
Song Meaning

“i hate u, i love u” is about the conflicting emotions of loving someone who has hurt or used you, while still being unable to stop missing them 2. gnash has said the song centers on wishing an ex would just communicate directly what she wants instead of leaving him to guess, rather than continuing to do things that erode his trust 1. On Olivia O’Brien’s side, the song voices the pain of feeling used yet still missing the person, and of watching them want someone else while accepting she’ll never be that other person 2 3. Together, the two vocal perspectives create a push-pull of hurt, longing, and unresolved attachment.

The meaning

At its core, “i hate u, i love u” is built around a contradiction neither singer can resolve: wanting someone gone and wanting them close at the same time. gnash has described the song’s origin as frustration with a partner who keeps doing things that undermine trust instead of just saying what she wants: “if she rly wanted me she would stop doing shit that pisses me off or tests my trust in her & just fuckin say so” 1. That plea for direct communication runs underneath the entire track, surfacing explicitly in the line “If you wanted me, you would just say so.”

Olivia O’Brien’s verses add the other half of the story. Her character, referred to in the song’s annotations as Olivia, “feels used by a person & relationship, but still misses them dearly, and doesn’t see the end of thinking about it all the time” 2. That’s the emotional engine of lines like “Feeling used, but I’m / Still missing you.” gnash has framed this as a “happy sad feeling of knowing what you miss might not be what’s best for you,” paired with the realization that no amount of time makes it hurt less 2. It’s not a song about moving on; it’s about being stuck.

The hook itself, “You want her, you need her / And I’ll never be her,” comes from a place of resignation. According to the song’s own annotation, Olivia is acknowledging that the person she’s singing about wants someone else entirely, and she accepts she will never be that person, only herself 3. That’s less jealousy than quiet self-erasure: she can’t compete with who he wants, so she stops trying.

gnash’s verses trace a parallel arc of avoidance and second-guessing. He’s described drafting texts and deleting them, choosing silence over the risk of being ignored: “i type things out that i want to say, but then i just send ‘nvm’ because i know stack texting never makes anything better” 5. There’s also a layer of social shame built into the secrecy of the relationship, gnash has explained that reconnecting quietly (“keep it on the low”) comes from not wanting friends to judge a reconciliation that might fail again after they’ve already heard the venting 6. And in a moment of reversal, he imagines seeing himself through her eyes: “if the situation were reversed... i would never let me go (just like i never wanted to let her go)” 7, a line that reframes his own regret as much as hers.

By the end, gnash locates the song’s purpose in staying present with the hurt rather than resolving it. He’s said the closing verses come from being burned by people he treated well, leaving him to process it alone: “i’m left alone to sing stuff like this... to myself all night til i fall asleep” 4. Ultimately, he’s framed the whole song as a restrained gesture rather than an accusation: “i don’t want to bring her anymore pain or discomfort from this song, i just want to say ‘i miss u’” 8. That’s the emotional core beneath the title’s hate/love whiplash, not anger, but grief that refuses to fully let go.

Last updated 2026-07-20